Six Pillars of Meaning

tracksBeginnings and endings are often indistinguishable. This blog is my way of understanding myself and my brothers and sisters on Earth in a spiritual context. We are in a time of great need, and also on the threshold of long-awaited expansions. I find these movements in myself as well, with the arrival of my middle age. As I settle into my forties, there is a silvering and becalming of my heart. My temper is less quick, my judgement is clearer, my self knowledge is more refined. I am less afraid of the darkness in others, and less compelled by it. But… there is a profound exhaustion that I wrestle with. On one hand, I look and feel younger than I am, and on the other, I often feel I’ve been alive for centuries. I know I am not alone in this, that it’s a common feeling. I often feel lost about where to start with the problems the world faces, and am baffled at how to fulfill some of my deeper longings. In the end, I am not placated by airy niceties, and I don’t expect anything close to perfection. What I want, above all else, is authenticity. Authenticity in myself, in my relationships, in my perceptions. This is not always easy, but I am on the journey to understand the infinite inside, in the context of a messy, sensitive, cautious, mercurial, mysterious human self.

The blog’s name, “Human Star”, and it’s significance, came to me recently in a dream. It is a symbol of the six pillars of meaning and healing:

  1. Honor & Integrity
  2. Reverence for Beauty
  3. Fairness & Justice
  4. Discrimination & Discernment
  5. Faithfulness & Trust
  6. Humor & Humility

These six points must be activated, alive and in balance (for me, but I suspect for most others as well) in order to flourish. And as an exhausted, overworked, financially insecure single parent tending to these areas is sometimes overwhelmingly challenging. So, tired, confused, traumatized, weary but humor-filled people: Welcome! This blog feels quite private (and perhaps will never be read!) but it is also for you. I won’t offer platitudes, since I am struggling to find my way also. We are all in this boat together. What I can offer is my heartfelt experience, and some direct spiritual wisdom I have received that I have found helpful and heartening.

Beginnings and endings

How do I cultivate a deeper trust in the world at large, and the humility and confidence to follow my own, singular guidance at the same time?

sunset.jpegI’m in the midst of a transition time, and reviewing the fruits of my labors. Behind me lays the (more of less) first half of my life and I am evaluating the tools I’ve acquired for the path forward. Right now, I feel exhausted. I am in a study of deep rest and radical simplification. I’ve worked multiple jobs and am paring them down. I’m curating my belongings to follow William Morris’s advice to “[h]ave nothing in your house[s] that ¬†you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”. This goes for the house inside, too. I am making a sweeping examination of the thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, sensations that I allow to dwell in me. I am trying to be both a ruthless and gentle editor. I am tending to my precious friendships, and making peace with the knowledge that for some relationships, distance is the medicine. I am spending more time with my daughter, and hoping that this process of cultivating inner knowing will serve her well. There has been a dearth of strong female example in my life, but I am blessed with many exceptional peers, and lucky beyond comprehension to be enfolded in a spiritual community that satisfies my need for belonging and connection. But the path in front of me is steep, because I’ve been startled into a deep awareness of my lack of trust in the Universe. How can this live side by side with my faith in God and Spirit and The Mystery? And how do I cultivate a deeper trust in the world at large, and the humility and confidence to follow my own, singular guidance at the same time? These are some of the questions I’m starting with as I embark on this blog.

Also, I’ve listened to this loveliness from John O’Donoghue on the podcast On Being for comfort and guidance lately: