I’m in the midst of a transition time, and reviewing the fruits of my labors. Behind me lays the (more of less) first half of my life and I am evaluating the tools I’ve acquired for the path forward. Right now, I feel exhausted. I am in a study of deep rest and radical simplification. I’ve worked multiple jobs and am paring them down. I’m curating my belongings to follow William Morris’s advice to “[h]ave nothing in your house[s] that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”. This goes for the house inside, too. I am making a sweeping examination of the thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, sensations that I allow to dwell in me. I am trying to be both a ruthless and gentle editor. I am tending to my precious friendships, and making peace with the knowledge that for some relationships, distance is the medicine. I am spending more time with my daughter, and hoping that this process of cultivating inner knowing will serve her well. There has been a dearth of strong female example in my life, but I am blessed with many exceptional peers, and lucky beyond comprehension to be enfolded in a spiritual community that satisfies my need for belonging and connection. But the path in front of me is steep, because I’ve been startled into a deep awareness of my lack of trust in the Universe. How can this live side by side with my faith in God and Spirit and The Mystery? And how do I cultivate a deeper trust in the world at large, and the humility and confidence to follow my own, singular guidance at the same time? These are some of the questions I’m starting with as I embark on this blog.
Also, I’ve listened to this loveliness from John O’Donoghue on the podcast On Being for comfort and guidance lately: